This is a "pot luck" of stories for you today! All kinds of dog humor coming at you with both barrels!
As many of you might know, Tim and I met back in 2013.
Where he'd had dogs in his life, growing up, he didn't have them in the same kind of capacity that I did when we met. When we officially moved in together, he became the proud dog daddy of Gunner (Doberman), Blaze (Doberman), Liar (Doberman) and Taxi (rescue terrier cross).
Having said that, both Blaze and Taxi (the two females of the pack) had been spayed so he didn't have to "deal with" any girl part problems that can come with females until Ms. Gia entered our life in March of 2021.
Gia came to us from Alberta at two years old and wasn't spayed. To this date, a year and a half later, we still haven't had her spayed for a number of reasons. For me, I don't mind dealing with her being in season twice a year. In fact, I'd rather have her go into season than deal with the increased chances of Hypothyroidism and spay incontinence. So for me, it's a pain in the butt having a bitchy, needy, weepy Doberman but oh well, it only lasts a few weeks.
For Tim though, he's still somewhat shy in dealing with what we refer to as "lady part problems" and now HIS girl, Gia, has this... This... "Situation"...
When Gia had her first season with us, primarily, I dealt with most of her "situation". But I will say, as the next season came, Tim really stepped it up and definitely helped out! By this I mean that she has to wear panties for three weeks. Those panties have to come off and go back on when she potties. There's also "stuff" you have to deal with in the panties...
For those of us used to having females that go into season, it's just the way life is...
As I write this, I look over to my left to see poor Tim sitting there, minding his own business and I know he hasn't noticed Gia's behavior change as of the last few days (she's a tad nervy / short tempered) or remembered that Gia should be coming into season in the next week or so. I knew this was coming and today I even got a Facebook memory on the last two "situations" that had me once again laughing! So, without further ado, I now share with you the pot luck of stories:
1) Gia's Science Lab
2) Picture It!
and as a bonus...
3) Tim and my love for him being a cup half full!
Consider this email a friendly reminder to anyone that has a female that's on the same cycle as Gia!
Picture it (from last March 2022)
This story comes to you from Gia's LAST season, the one where Tim really started helping out! Background: Gia's in season and wearing her panties, I'm at work talking on the phone to Tim who's at home... Gia decides she wants to go outside REAL bad to bark at nothing... Tim let's her out quickly...
TIM and KAREN chatting about this upcoming fishing season all happy like... Tim: *stops mid sentence - obviously looking out the window at Gia* OH no!!! No!!! Son of a BITCH!!! NOooooo! KAREN: *thinking the worst* "What's going on - what happened - is Gia okay?!?" TIM: *pretty much panic stricken* "She's pooping in her panties!!!! STOP!!! Son of a bitch!!! When's this gonna end?!?" *starting to whimper like a little girl* GIA: *Stops pooping - takes a few steps... starts peeing...*
TIM: "OH no... No no no no NO!!! Why me...?!?" GIA: *All finished... Comes to the door with loaded panties... Kind of moonwalking* KAREN: *tears streaming down my face, wheezing from laughing so hard my own self because I KNOW what's next and still on the phone hearing EVERYTHING unfold* TIM: *undoes Gia's panty velcro* "Frickin bullshit, *heave... HEAVE* frickin nasty... *heave* oh my lands *heave - sniffle*... Frick sakes!!!" "HOLY Dina *heave*... "Aaaargghhh! Phew..." *heave - sniffle*... Cotton dicker... *heave*..." "FML!!! WHY!!!" *more heaving* Few minutes pass of muffled sounds - Tim or Gia moaning, groaning, whimpering... Pretty sure it was Tim... TIM: *calming down* "I did NOT think that through... My heart is still pounding... Frick sakes... *sniffle*.... " Awkward Silence.... TIM: "Well... *sniffle* I'm going to let you go... I gotta go do laundry..." *sounding very sad* KAREN: *still wheezing/laughing* "Okay baby - have a good afternoon!
GIA'S SCIENCE LAB: (From Gia's FIRST season with us - Late August 2021) Observation: The mom has purchased ONE expensive pair of dog reusable panties that claim a high level of absorbency. I have inspected the stitching, dimensions, elasticity of the leg holes, placement for tail, Velcro side straps and overall fabric content. Question: Given the design, I wonder to what level of absorbency will these panties actually rate? Will they be appropriate for active dogs with limited tail length and short hair? I.e. breeds such as Dobermans?
Hypothesis: These panties will prove to be absorbent but possibly fail in the most extreme time of need. Prediction: If the amount of money spent equates to quality, then these panties will prove to be very absorbent. Testing/Results: While being "in season" I performed the following tests while wearing the panties as directed on the box. 1) Spinning in circles: I performed very tight circles while spinning and bucking multiple times in the last few days. On one occasion, I got a wedgy that required manual replacement from the mom. Absorbency was not effected. 2) Jumping on and off of a variety of furniture: I Performed a significant amount of jumping on and off couches, chairs, beds and even an attempt of the dining room table. Results were that the panties were effective and didn't lose positioning.
The panties did not seem to give me extra jumping capabilities though as I failed to stick the landing on the dining room table. It should be noted that I was not injured during testing.
3) Absorption Level based on time: Panties were worn for a duration of time and the following results were noted... a) 1 hour - effective b) 2 hours - effective c) 3 hours - effective d) 4 hours - lost effectiveness e) 5 hours - leak through leg hole. 4) Absorption Level based on alternative fluids: It was raining and I refused to potty outside. I peed in the panties A BOAT LOAD and other than some minor leakage out of the leg hole, most liquid was absorbed. 5) Absorption Level based on solids: It must be mentioned that this case scenario was not mentioned as intended use on the panty description found in the packaging material. However, I felt the utmost need for full experimentation and due diligence. On the second day of rain and in turn, second day of outside potty refusal, I opted to poop in my panties. Absorption level was minimal but stitching provided for ALMOST complete containment. Assistance was required by the mom. Summation of results: These panties were highly effective for the stated intended uses and well worth the cost. Said panties provided consistent coverage during high activity levels and overall, achieved a high level of fluid absorption.
However, one might consider making dog panties without tail holes for breeds that do not have long tails as there was minimal leakage due to shifting of the panties. Until such product line becomes available, placement of feminine hygiene pad can be used to cover the tail hole and also serve to extend absorption time line past the successful 4 hours before required washing.
Lastly, these panties were not suggested for the purpose of absorbing solids. This is an accurate statement. I highly recommend you poop outside as the mom became quite emotionally unbalanced when she a) stepped on a poop nugget that was not contained and b) subsequently tried to remove the panties while I rigorously tried to evade capture. This proved to be a rather messy and a somewhat traumatic experience for the mom. Final comments: Panties lasted for five or so hours but required washing after that. There are 24 hours in a day and to date, I have required panties for 14 days and counting. One might consider purchasing MULTIPLE pairs of panties. YOU'RE WELCOME!
Tim and my love for him being a cup half full!
I think part of our relationship success has to do with the amount of joking and kibitzing that we do with each other. This is one kibitzing moment where the joking took a different sort of tone...
Yesterday, I was sitting in the living room in the early morning and found myself trying to catch up on some computer stuff. Gia had of course, after pottying, gone back to bed with Tim. Liar was keeping me company while he caught some more snoozes on Tim's chair.
After about an hour or so, my phone chimed and displayed I had a message from my sweetheart who was still in the bedroom.
As I looked at my phone, it was a picture of a coffee cup half full.
Backstory: Every morning, I wake up, let the dogs out to potty and while they potty, I make both Tim and I a cup of coffee. Then as I let the dogs in, Gia sprints to the closed bedroom door and I follow behind her with Tim's coffee. As I open the door, she leaps up onto the bed, smothers him with kisses and then snuggles in for snoozes. I leave the coffee on Tim's nightstand for when he wakes up.
So I get the texted picture above and his text reads: "I love you for bringing me coffee in the morning... But if I measured your love for me according to the volume of coffee in the cup... Well all I can say is - there's room for more! Lol...."
I looked at the picture... Started snickering and went to the bedroom to see him taking the last little swig of coffee! That's when I really started laughing!
"Timothy... Let me tell you something... I love you with my whole heart! And... When I put the coffee in here... It too was full... As is my heart - completely full of love for you!"
He stares at me for a bit, still confused from being sleepy... "But it was only half full"...
That sir, is not because my love for you is half full... It's because the Doberman you're now spooning also loves her morning coffee!
Needless to say, Tim was quiet for quite some time...
So there you have it people! I hope you got some good laughs and maybe that'll get you into this new work week with a smile! Take care, keep safe and love your dogs for everything that they bring to your lives!
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Karen Grzenda, author of dog books!
Heart Dog - Gunner's Story (book)
The Side Eye Series (Adult dog comedy picture books)
Little Paws Series (dog books for children)